Ok, first of all, who calms down on demand when told? Just sayin'...

Second of all, I'm about to take a sharp left turn here so hold on to your pants...I really do get up on a soap box when talking about moving upstream to support and treat postpartum challenges. It's the LITERAL reason I created Prep for Post and no, I will NOT calm down about it! LOL! I WILL REMAIN PASSIONATE! 

But I wanted to take a moment to speak to all the pre-parents out there (and by pre-parents, I mean people who don't have any human children yet and also parents who have at least one human child but are having or planning to have more). 

Here's the deal: In all of my years working with struggling parents, hands down the MOST common thing I hear from them is "why didn't anyone tell me...[insert thing that's totally tell-able prenatally]". I always say I make my content based on themes from my clinical work. Sometimes I worry that I'll say something that will reveal some tiny aspect of a client's identity and they'll feel vulnerable and exposed, except here's the thing: I hope every single one of my current and past clients read or see my content and feel seen. It's not exposing their personal story, it's exposing what I call "the big lie" that brought them to me in a state of distress, overwhelm, grief, etc.

We're totally sold a story about what parenting is supposed to be like, how we're supposed to feel and then we inevitably fall short, feel shame and hide. I WANT to shine a light on it because I am so deeply saddened by the fact that so, so, so, so many parents feel these feelings and feel totally alone in them. I WANT parents to know - ALL parents (gestational, non-gestational, adoptive, biological/non-bio, straight, queer, every race, every gender) to know - you aren't the only one! Just because so many of us hide in our fear and shame around not feeling the immense joy and connection and fulfillment we thought we would or are supposed to, doesn't make us bad parents. It doesn't mean we're going to ruin our kid(s). It doesn't mean we are bad people. It is absolutely possible to feel two things at the same time - even completely opposite things - and for both of those things to be true. 

I love my kid, and I hate parenting. 

I love my spouse, and I'm so f*ing annoyed they don't help with laundry. 

I want to be present, and I'm really f*ing tired. 

I'm so happy my kids are playing, and I'm totally overstimulated. 

I feel totally prepared, and totally unprepared. 

And also, we can cross our fingers and hope we love it, just like first time parents can totally cross their fingers and hope they figure out how to put a diaper on, or we can proactively prepare what we can. That's why so many people take birthing classes and newborn care classes. We don't want to wing it when it comes to diapering, but we're ok with winging it related to our own mental health? 

And so begins a journey that happens for millions of parents - we do for our kid what we don't do for ourselves. We prioritize everyone over our own needs.

So here's my invitation to you: center yourself. It doesn't make you selfish. There is room for both: meet your needs and the needs of others; prepare what and where you can and wing it with the gaps. I want people to take the Prep for Post course because, to me, it seems like $25 and a couple hours of your time is worth every second of time it could give you post-baby to focus on literally anything but shame. 

And for those of you who are like, calm down, Kate, most people are fine, you're just trying to make a buck. You're right: most people will be fine (enough?), and yes, I am trying to make a living by combining my skills and passions so that work doesn't actually feel like horrible work. Everything is a business in a capitalist society and yes, I participate in that by necessity. If I could make it all free, I absolutely would. But until then, yeah, I'm gonna do what I can to combine my skills, gifts, talents, and experiences to give others what no one gave to me. To give to others what I deserved and didn't get. 

I always say, I'm not claiming to solve every problem and prevent all postpartum challenges - it's not possible. But I can do this. And you deserve it. 

With deep care and compassion,

Kate <3