I can't tell you how many times I hear people say they are worried about "getting postpartum". I know what they mean - they mean they are worried about getting postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety or some other postpartum challenge (in the medical/professional world, these are known as Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders or PMADs). But it always makes me so angry that so many babies are born to parents who don't even know HOW to talk about postpartum challenges...not to mention we so often don't even know WHAT a postpartum challenge really is and what it looks and feels like. You know what that means? It means we don't know when or how to ask for help. Plus, don't even get me started on how stigmatizing it is to ask for help. 

So often the feelings of depression, anxiety and intrusive thoughts are so scary or overwhelming we are too ashamed to say them out loud. We fear we'll be judged as a bad parent, or fear that people will think we would hurt our babies, or worse - fear we won't be able to stay with our babies or care for them. I could probably write for days, weeks or even months about fear, shame, asking for help (or not asking), the impact of postpartum mood and anxiety challenges (I'm not a fan of the word "disorders", even though that's the technical term) on relationships. I could go on, but I won't because I bet everyone would already know (even if they have never said it out loud). I don't know what it would do systemically to make things better for parents right now. 

What I do know is that postpartum parents aren't crazy (even though we often feel that way). 

I know that struggling after a baby or babies arrive, whether by birth or adoption, doesn't make parents bad. 

I know ALOT about attachment and bonding - one of the most common fears struggling parents have about postpartum challenges - that it will impact bonding. 

I know we don't live in a country (maybe world?) where we invest heavily on pregnancy and postpartum, which means we (meaning parents) don't have the structural and systemic support around us that humans have evolved with. 

I know that there isn't enough support. 

I know support can be incredibly difficult to find and access. 

I know I don't have all the answers. 

I know that there are ways I can use my experience and skills to try and help other people. 

One of my favorite quotes that hangs in my office to this day is by Marianne Williamson, whom I admittedly know nothing about beyond this quote (that's a whole other post about fear and avoidance #ifykyk), but here it is: 

In every community, there is work to be done.
In every nation, there are wounds to heal.
In every heart, there is the power to do it.

In care & community

<3 Kate